Beer Grenades and The Hangover Part II

So I went with my good friend Liz to see The Hangover II, because Liz is awesome, and I'm trying to squeeze in lots of time with people before leaving for the summer to act in Michigan.

Liz is great. She's smart, she's funny, she's the director of a theater company I'm a part of. She's kind of like this:

http://www.thebodyplanner.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/batgirl.jpg


But an actress, with less confidence in herself than she fully deserves.

I also have confidence issues, just the other direction. For instance, when I look in the mirror, I see this:

http://fastcache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/8/2010/03/bats

but just oozing sex appeal as well.

The primary difference between Liz and I, and part of the reason we compliment one another well as friends, is how we deal with risk.

Liz likes to plan things. There is a mental model in the way things will play out, and if things adhere to that model, the endeavor is a success. It's what makes her good at running a theater company.

I, on the other hand, need things to go off track on a pretty regular basis so I have stories to tell.

I like to think without friends like Me, Liz wouldn't have any fun. Or it would just be subdued, and boring, and she would eventually end up being fairly unhappy.

Liz likes to think with her and friends like her, I would be dead. Which is fair, in a way.

So, when I suggested bringing our second successful homebrew batch into the theater, she was, as Liz usually is with me, apprehensive but willing.

The second batch is called "The Bastard Prince," modeled on Samaels by Avery of Colorado, it's a Sour Red Ale with cherries, oak, and maple syrup. I can humbly say it pretty much tastes like this:

http://media.techeblog.com/images/batman_lightsaber_2.jpg

but just oozing with sex appeal.

Anyway, we sneak a couple in, settle down for a couple of somewhat promising green lantern previews in a very full theater.

I decided to open the beer on the armrest of the seat. Then this happened:

http://courses.ulisesmejias.com/videogames09/img/wiki_up/mk_fatality.png


Now, I should explain.

What makes beer beer, or rather any type of alchohol alchohol is the triumvirate of yeast, sugar (or starch) and water. If you crumble up crackers in water, douse it with table sugar, and add yeast, it will create

A) Alchohol
B) Carbon Dioxide
C) Never actually do this, as it would be disgusting.

So, in the initial fermentation, you use the yeast to make sugar into booze. Carbon Dioxide is a waste product, which escapes via a little airlock type of thing. It looks like this:

http://www.portlandmonthlymag.com/assets/0002/5801/homebrewing.jpg?1279043272

Now, after the beer is nice and alchoholiscious after a week or two, you put it in bottles.

You put more sugar in first, so the yeast start up again though. Again, yeast plus sugar makes

A) alchohol
B) carbon dioxide.

When in a sealed bottle, the carbon dioxide has nowhere to go, dissolves into the beer, and carbonates the beverage.

http://www.smalldoggiesmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/thumbs_up.jpg

Nifty, right?

Now, Beau, who is a friend a brew with, is a bit like me when it comes to doing anything: Leap first, look later. If we were to go bungee jumping together, we would both die, having forgotten the bungee part.

So, after tasting our awesomesauce beer before bottling, we put in the priming sugar, we forgot to properly stir it into the beer, which means it settled at the bottom of the carboy in a very concentrated fashion, which means some bottles received alot more of it than others.

Remember, sugar turns into carbonation. So we ended up with some beer like this:

http://nickshell1983.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/calories-in-a-banana-jpg.jpeg

And some like this:

http://www.wanderinggoblin.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/hand-grenade.jpg

AND NO FUNCTIONAL WAY TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM.

I should also mention: We'd only opened three of the bottles. One had been just right, one had been flat, one almost overflowed. We figured that was as bad as it would ever get.

So, imagine Liz and I, nestled in a crowded theater space, laps covered in popcorn and sweets, getting ready to watch Hangover Part II, which I'm excited about because it's gotten mixed reviews, and all my favorite films do.

Lacking the foresight to bring any type of beer-opening-tool, I was attempting to open our little time bomb very subtly on the edge of the arm rest between us.

This is a fairly accurate representation of what ensued:

http://www.geographicguide.net/europe/scandinavia/geiser-iceland.jpg

I'm sorry, I'm prone to exaggeration. It was actually a bit more like this:

http://www.delvedigger.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/atom_blast.jpg

Liz was not impressed. She was even less impressed when I offered her the last third of the beer left in the bottle which was, strangely enough, fairly flat at that point. Very not impressed.

She was, in fact, quite angry. For like, the whole movie. She did eventually forgive me, but we had to cut short the evening so she could go home and do laundry, as she was traveling tommorrow, and I'm a giant asshole.

Her: "Why would you possibly bring that thing into the theater? What can you possibly say for yourself?"

Me: "None of the other ones did that."

Lesson learned. Stir the Priming Sugar.  Also, risks can have unforeseen consequences.

Which brings me to: Then Hangover Part II

http://planetill.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/the-hangover-part-ii-sequel-580x331.jpg

First off, and I don't say this a lot: Good Movie. Even more rare: Good Sequel. Stuck with the tropes established by the first film without copy-pasting anything. It was just more of the same, it was MORE than the first as well.

It's pretty dark, which is a great way to go for a sequel. The structure is the same: Everyone drinks, ends up somewhere crazy, no recollection of how, has to peice night back together.

During the course, though:

Someone Gets Shot
Someone loses a finger
Someone starts a riot with thaiwanese police
A monkey performs felatio on no less than 2 cast members.
Ed Helms gets butt-sexed by a thaiwanese lady/boy.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3470/5752446138_de202cdbe1.jpg


Yeah, so, like a lot darker. And still, somehow, hilarious. I would argue more so because it's not afraid to go almost over the edge.

The whole movie, the audience is kept on the edge of being just too grossed out / uncomfortable to stay engaged. The line is even crossed several times, and then the laughter that ensues is a cathardic release of tension. It's brilliant, and incredibly engaging.

Also, Ed Helms gets butt-sexed by a lady boy.

http://www.onlineusanews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Transvestite-Meanings.jpg

I would argue that it's in fact, even better than the original. Here's why:

At the beginning of the film, Ed Helms starts out trying to walk the straight and narrow. Through circumstances beyond his control, he ends up in a world he's not used to (Bankok) where he experiences several trials and tribulations, all of them VERY CHALLENGING (this is key) to him personally. He in fact, has to accept several new things about himself, and if you don't know what that means, click on the link above one more time.

Through this he gains a new understanding of himself that allows him to go back to the world he knew and live in it in a better way. Before the adventure he is quite the milktoast, and afterward he's able to stand up to and thereby gain the implicit approval of his bride-to-be's father.

He accepts the dark side inherent in him, and is better for it, as opposed to trying to oppress it. He shows real, actual growth that won't be undone.

And that's cool. The first one did all of those things but less so, and everything at the end is pretty much the same as the beginning, which is actually classical comedic structure: the world is circular.

Now it's not a perfect film by any means. Zach Galifinfuckthisspelling's lines usually cap the scenes, and after some time the whole "crazy guy is funny cuz he's crazy" thing gets old, but that's the writers' fault, not his. He ends up being a little like the crazy guy on the subway: funny for 20 minutes, annoying for 40, although it doesn't really ruin the film in any way.

http://homelessmanspeaks.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/tonys-thumbs-up-feb-23-2008.jpg

Also, Ed Helms's bride to be is a very (hot asian) set piece, and has all the emotional complexity of, oh I don't know, this:

https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilQ7gMHwtuFOG-kVvE8rhxzwQ3_1-D6KFnrKJNlGhJDcgOF4EeAwO6gdTV8okg9dzFnrS5BwHCkQjZNhdDsMRc7d69PWhAtGBIPvWY9dku-MVn2x1MYCdJHbBuX_yvKptCgAxPUpaPg7Y/s320/Plank+of+wood.jpg

Admitedly a hot, asian version of that, but still. A missed opportunity, to be sure, and frankly a bit unfair to the ladies, in a movie where even the ladies have dongs. Women are surprisingly and suspiciously absent throughout the whole affair, but whatever. It might have been nice to see the wolf-pack interact with a she-wolf or two, but that's another movie entirely.

But still, these things don't spoil it. It's quite good. Better than the first, in fact.

http://www.buddyhead.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/home-alone1243399120.png

Why I would argue Part II is the better film, actually, is because it has dramatic structure: through a fair amount of torment, things actually change by the end for the better, irrevocabely, and that's satisfying to watch. You have to work for the emotional release at the end, and therefor value it more.

It's the quality that, you might say, makes a story very compelling in the first place.

http://www.smalldoggiesmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/thumbs_up.jpg

So, to recap:

A) Mix your priming sugar
B) Risks have consequences
C) The Hangover part II is a better film than the first, go see it.
D) Liz still thinks I'm an asshole, but good friends forgive.

It think the best way to draw all this to a close is this:

Liz's reaction to the film: That was awesome! But I'm NEVER going to Bankok!

My reaction: Totally! (While looking up the price of flights there on my smartphone)

http://www.onlineusanews.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Transvestite-Meanings.jpg

Cheers.