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Friday, February 8, 2013

I don't know if I'm proud to be an American

There's this song that goes along these lines:

I'm Proud to be An American
'Cuz at least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died
To Give that Right to me

Etc. and so forth. Like this:


This is usually sung by someone whose clothing was made from an American Flag.

Country Singer or 90's Tae Kwon Do Instructor? We'll never know

Because the best way to honor the losses and sacrifices in the aforementioned song is apparently to cover your nipples with the flag that represents them.

And here's the thing. I'm not saying you shouldn't be "proud" to be an American. I'm just saying that maybe we should examine the reasons why we'r proud. That pride can be used to blanket over some really, really, terrible things.

And with the recent gun debates, personally speaking, I'm really starting to wonder if our actions as a nation stand up to our ideals. So let's chat.

Regardless of which side of the donkey-elephant thing you fall on, what does America stand for?

Like half of you just heard a Powerchord in your head

What's put right out there in the beginning? How did the damn thing start? Let's look:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

This is the document that said "We Are A Nation." And starts with "All Men Are Created Equal." This was written by a bunch of slave-owning white men. "All Men Are Created Equal and should be able to pursue Liberty except Black People, obviously, because COME ON," didn't sound nearly as eternal, I guess.

This is not a new argument. It's one of those things we like to just kind of shrug at, and continue using money with their faces on it. Because at the end of the day, it's really awkward that the dude one our most common form of currency owned people.


"I cannot tell a lie. And the truth is that slaves make things SUUUPER easy." Even the link above stresses how he freed all 300 of his slaves upon death. Like that's supposed to make up for it, or something. Yerg.

I care less about black people than George Bush, Kanye. Even. Less.

And in terms of civil rights, we're not exactly up there with the civilized world. In fact, for all that Daniel Day Lewis fixed Slavery and all that, we kinda did it last. Like after Moldova. And Uruguay.


Like, within 70 years of freaking Afganistan, which is known as "the asshole of the earth" by the people that LIVE there.

( I had an image here. I'm not gonna use it)

Pursuit of Life, Liberty and Happiness. If you have money. And are white, in America. Although whoever the Bourgeois Class has been throughout history have always done this. I wrote another relatively unpopular thing about that. But in America, it's been white men, specifically.

Okay, so women's suffrage.


We were right on par with Albania. Albania's chief national export is Sadness. 

Black people can vote:



My father was born in 1956. 

I....I just....

(no wonder it's always white guys singing this)

Do we even really need to bring up gay marriage?


So again. Can we really say we stand for Liberty? Freedom? Equality? Look at our history. The whole goddamn thing, compared to the rest of the world. Because what we "stand for" has to be compared to something, right?

I know so many white people who felt proud of the fact we as a nation elected a black person to the presidency. I'm not saying this wasn't a good thing. The other alternatives were atrocious. He's done a pretty good job at fixing what the last guy did.

The point is WE SHOULDN'T BE FUCKING PROUD OF THAT. We should be ashamed it took so long.

"We all did this together. Equally. Sorry about the whole "spraying you with fire hoses thing. We cool, right?"

FUCKING FREEDOM? LIBERTY? COME ON. We're being beat out. We're not just losing the competition for math scores, America. We've been handily beaten on civil rights throughout history.


Gay people can't get married. BUT, but, but but but, you know what inalienable right everyone has? Everybody?  Here's a list of what it's not:

1. Health Care
2. Marriage
3. Equal Pay
4. Marifuckingjuana.


This does less harm then two men living together

Can't take away our precious guns. Even the good guys aren't trying to get rid of them.


After Sandy Hook. And Columbine. And West Virginia. 

It's more acceptable in our culture to believe that you HAVE to have guns. That ONLY GUNS are keeping the government from busting down your door and making you....uh, be oppressed. 

THAT's an acceptable, agreed upon, ENDORSED viewpoint. It's not even worth arguing weather we should all have murder at the twitch of a finger lying around. 

Thank god for you, sir. For protecting our rights.

Never mind that no such government coup has taken place in any other country that's ever banned guns, like Great Britain or Japan.

It's never. Even. Questioned.

This is the face of winning, apparently.

But can't get Gay Married. Can't.

Freedom. Liberty. Pursuit of Happiness.

It's not that I'm not proud to be an American because we have fucked up values. Lots of places do. It happens.

Seems like a healthy representation of sexuality.

It's that we're not honest about it.

We talk about Liberty, and Equality, and Freedom, and we just don't do it. Everyone, literally everyone else beats us to it, throughout history.

At every turn. 

There's really one place we've excelled, historically speaking.

This is ours now.

And really, that's it. We shot 3 white guys to the moon. THAT'S. IT. We've been beaten at every other turn.

So I guess I have trouble being proud lately because we're in the end, as Americans, as a country, just not that special. We're not ahead of our times, we're not at the forefront of human rights, we're not even honest about what we're about.

And you know what? If the Amercan Flag looked a little less like this:

I have literally never seen a horse.

And just had THIS on it:

Maybe I could feel a little better.

2 probable internet responses:

1) But it's getting better! That's why this country's great! It can change!

Yeah, so can everywhere else, and faster than us on all counts. We're in no way special.

2) If you don't like it, leave, hippy sodomite!

Yeah, fuck off. Take your basement full of guns, secede, and get shot by cops my tax dollars paid for by bullets my tax dollars paid for. 

Freedom of speech is number one. To take your guns, shove them up your ass, and get the fuck out of my country.